Miss Gillard, how does it feel to be the first female Prime Minister of Australia?
Can I just stop you there, Brian?
Sure.
I'm not just the first female Prime Minister of Australia.
No?
No, Brian. No. No, what I am, Brian, is the first red-haired female Prime Minister of Australia.
Is that important?
Well the media seem to think so.
Why's that?
Well, you know what they say about redheads, Brian.
What do they say?
Well, Brian, you know. They say...well, they say we're firebands, don't they?
Are you a firebrand?
Oh by crikey I am, Brian, yes. Absolutely.
What's a firebrand?
Well, a firebrand, Brian, your basic firebrand, is well, a firebrand is someone who is full of fire Brian.
Fire?
Fire, Brian, my word yes. If you were to try and tell a firebrand, Brian.
Tell them what?
Tell them anything. If you try to tell a firebrand, well...
Well what?
Well, well, then, you'd, you'd better watch out, Brian.
For the fire?
For the fire.
Why was Kevin Rudd ousted from the leadership?
Well, he couldn't be told, Brian.
And you can?
Well, we believe in making government open again to consultation and communication.
But with you still being a firebrand?
Of course.
Hmm. Originally you said you didn't want the leadership.
Yes, Brian, but I had a long consultation with certain key figures in the Labour party.
And what did that say?
They said they wanted me to be leader of the Labour party.
And what did you say?
I said yes, Brian.
And what was your first actions as the leader?
Well, I had to the fix the mining tax problem, of course.
And did you consult with people on that?
Absolutely, Brian. Of course we did.
Whom did you consult with?
Mostly the mining companies.
And what did they say?
They said could they pretty please have a much smaller mining tax.
And what did you say?
I said yes, Brian.
Any other big announcements?
Well, yes, yes, I did make a point that I was taking a hard stance against gay marriage, too.
Did you consult anyone about that?
Yes, yes, of course we did.
Whom did you consult?
The Australian Christian Lobby.
And what did they say?
They said would I like to win the next election
And what did you say?
I said yes, Brian.
Why was Kevin Rudd ousted from the leadership again?
Because he wouldn't be told, Brian.
Anything else?
Well, of course, yes. There was also the issue that he'd gone soft on climate change.
Gone soft?
Yes.
How soft?
Extremely soft.
Extremely soft?
Oh my word yes. He was practically a liquid by the end of it. He was leaking all over the place.
He seemed pretty hard about the mining tax.
Yes, Brian but he was very soft on climate change.
Should he have been harder about climate change?
No, he should have been softer on the mining tax.
So he was hard in the wrong places?
Yes.
And soft in others?
Exactly.
And he couldn't be smoothed out?
No.
Why not?
Well, he couldn't be told, Brian.
Was he a firebrand?
Of course not.
Why not?
He didn't have red hair.
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